Navigating Change With The Boy

I’m a mum to a 21-year-old young man I call The Boy. He is autistic, has ADHD, severe learning disabilities and sensory processing differences. Because of his high needs, he still needs support in many areas of life — staying safe, preparing meals, attending appointments, managing medication and more. With the help of an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP), he continues to access education and thrive in his own way.

Over the past few years, we’ve faced lots of changes and transitions. Some went smoothly, while others brought real challenges. One of the biggest changes was moving on from school to “college.”

Moving From School to College

The Boy has always attended specialist provisions, and for almost 14 years he was at a local special school where he made amazing progress despite some tough times. When the time came to move on, I felt confident he would adapt because the school had prepared him well.

But his first year at college was difficult. The new environment caused a lot of anxiety, which came out in physical ways. He would grab, squeeze, or hit — not out of aggression, but because he was overwhelmed or dysregulated. Sadly, this was often misunderstood as malicious behaviour, and staff became fearful. Instead of clear and consistent boundaries, he faced suspensions, activity restrictions, and constantly changing staff. This meant he couldn’t build trusting relationships or feel secure.

It was a hard year, but he wanted to be there, so we persevered. In his second year, things turned around. A teacher took the time to really understand him, set firm boundaries, and reintroduced activities he loved. With this support, The Boy made great progress. Even after she left, the team kept building on that foundation, and he had a much more positive year.

His time there has now ended, and we’re preparing for the next step. This time, I feel more prepared for whatever challenges may come.

Transitioning Social Care

Another big change was moving from children’s to adult social care. After being supported by the Children With Disabilities Team for 12 years, we were lucky to have a smooth transition thanks to a brilliant social worker.

When your child turns 18, suddenly they are legally an adult, and as a parent you can feel unsure about your role. I worried I’d need to prove every decision I made was in his best interest. Thankfully, I became his appointee, which allows me to advocate for him with things like benefits and medical appointments.

Respite care was another area that changed. For years, The Boy had short breaks through children’s services, usually four nights a month. When he moved to adult provision, this increased to three nights a week. It’s not about “needing a break from him” — it’s about balance. It gives me time with my other children, and he benefits too. He enjoys different experiences, builds independence, and gets to go on fun outings like bowling, trampolining, shopping trips, and even visits to the seaside. The adult service has been fantastic at getting to know him, which made this transition a positive one.

Looking Ahead

Transitions are never easy, especially when additional needs are involved. But with the right preparation, good communication, and people who genuinely take the time to understand, they can become opportunities for growth. As we face the next stage, I’m hopeful — and a lot more ready — for what’s ahead.